What's wrong with this picture?

It’s 8 o’clock on a Wednesday evening. The mom-person is on a living room sofa, deep into a massive book with a library marking on its spine: Ulysses. The dad-person sits in a recliner, with Of Mice and Men open in front of him. Big Brother is in the dining-room, listening to The Three-Body Problem audiobook. Little Sis is on the hallway floor, pushing a grader over the Doberman while flipping the pages of Charlotte’s Web.

Ah, it sounds like the height of domesticity and familial joy in this end-of-history world. One template, at any rate, with genders easily translocated. But…but wait a minute! Hold it just one second! Replay that, will you? My God, there is something wrong here. Something drastically perverted and nasty. 

Didn’t I say it was eight o’clock on a Wednesday evening? So, why isn’t this family grouping around a TV in a trance-like state? Why aren’t they gathered ‘round that corner shrine (blessed be thy Fire Stick for now we can stream it all without being the victims of conflicting scheduling)? Why aren’t they at the edge of their seats anxiously awaiting the next victim of Space Survivor Billionaire Temptation: Being Kicked Off the Far Side of the Moon while capturing What We Do in the Shadows for later consumption? Have they got something against reality or what?

No, nothing so easy to remedy. This family has—shock, horror!—no TV. You heard right. In the corner where the shrine to immaculate reception should be, there is a stack of…of more library books: A Handmaid’s Tale, Let’s Talk About It, The Bluest Eye, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, 1984.

How is it possible in a nation that has more televisions than toilets? In a nation where the TV long ago replaced the uncle as the most avuncular presence in the home?

It must be a particularly virulent form of narrow-mindedness and stubborn refusal to act for their own good. This family is cutting itself off from the mainstream of social intercourse, from one of the most valuable modes of information-dispersal. It is backing itself into a symbolic cave, a dark, dank place where the most unrepentant still wallow in a pathetic search for linear truth and chunks of meaning over 30 seconds long. Sad, so sad.

What’s to be done? How can this be set straight? Well, as long as the politicians refuse to address the problem, not much. There will always be those who take advantage of freedom of choice to undermine the very society that provides that freedom of choice. 

Left to themselves, it is hoped they will just wither away. But the danger is that they’ll drag others down. Brainwash others into no longer believing that buying Nike rather than Reebok or vice versa will bring you closer to enlightenment. The laws must be changed! For the well-being of all involved, for the greater good of society, it must be made a criminal offence not to be in possession of at least one television (with appropriate grants and subsidies, of course, for those unable to afford one). And—and this is important—there should be no way to turn the set off, short of denying power to the residence (perhaps to be considered as an end-of-the-line punishment). There should be no way to lower the volume. And covering the set with a blanket or other object should be an offence punishable by law. If that sounds undemocratic, perhaps draconian, even totalitarian, consider the consequences of the current laxness:

It's nine o'clock on a Wednesday night. The mom-person, the dad-person, Big Sister, Little Bro are gathered round the kitchen table. What are they doing? They’re … I’m almost ashamed to say it … they're discussing poetry! They’re taking turns reciting: “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked …”

With Law and Order SVU, Will & Grace (hilarious even the fourth time around), Survivor, and Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity to choose from, they're…trying to decipher the meaning of Allen Ginsberg’s Howl.

Argh!

Reading poetry when they could be watching The Golden Bachelorette! If that’s not criminal, you tell me what is.

PS: All the books mentioned are available at your friendly public library.
PPS: All the books mentioned have at one time or another been banned.